Being Daddy – Those Baby Bodily Functions

Who knew poop could be so funny? I guess you don’t know until you have your first baby. After talking to other people with kids, it seems that most parents have a funny poop story.

Mine begins about a month after we brought my daughter home from the hospital. My wife and I were sitting on our sofa with the little one when I detected an odor. Not really wanting to get up, and having a disposable changing pad nearby, my wife told me to lay her on the sofa on top of the pad and change her right there. This seemed like a convenient alternative and an overall good idea.

Little did I know what my daughter had in mind.

Upon opening the diaper, there was a normal amount of poop. I wiped that off, removed the diaper, and prepared to put the new one on her. Before I was able to do this, however, more poop came out.  I wiped it off. Then more came out. I wiped it off. More. Wipe. More. Wipe. More. Wipe. More. Wipe. More. Wipe. This may seem redundant to you, but it’s not an exaggeration. By this time, my wife and I were laughing so hard I was almost unable to continue wiping, and she was almost unable to get up and get another changing pad because the one my daughter was on was covered, top to bottom, in poop. With a new changing pad underneath her, the fun continued for a little while longer, before she finally finished her duty. To this day, we have no idea how that much poop could have been stored in her tiny body. Of course, the whole time this was going on, my daughter was blankly staring at the ceiling, completely oblivious to the humor she was providing us.

Seriously, until you become a parent, you have no idea how some things can be so funny. I used to think people were crazy when they talked about stuff like this, but now that I’ve had the experience of living with a baby, I understand why certain things are humorous.

Including poop.

For more funny stories and nuggets of wisdom written by fathers who have survived babydom, check out these books in our collection:

Crouching Father, Hidden Toddler: A Zen Guide For New Dads – by C.W. Nevius

American Parent: My Strange and Surprising Adventures in Modern Babyland – by Sam Apple

I'm the Red Carpet Librarian and work to bring lifelong support services to the Topeka and Shawnee County area through outreach and programming. I also am a sports enthusiast, work closely with the library's sports collection, and provide programming to engage the community's sports fans.