Not long ago, my wife and I went on our first date. Post baby, that is. I had been wanting to for quite some time. Don’t get me wrong, I love my daughter, but I missed being able to go out with my wife for a nice dinner and see a movie without having to wonder if the baby’s going to stay asleep, need a bottle, need a diaper change, need to be held, etc. My wife was a little more reluctant. And I’m sure there are guys out there who have experienced this with their wife as well, or will experience this in the future. She just wants to be home with our daughter, and can’t stand to be apart from her any more than is absolutely necessary. Sometimes going to the grocery store without the baby is more than she can handle.
But I finally convinced her to go out with me on a date.
So we dropped our baby off at the sitter’s house at a quarter to six, went to dinner, and took in a movie. As soon as the credits started rolling my wife looked at me and said, in all seriousness “I need to see my baby!” So we went to pick her up, and on the way my wife informed me that by 7:15 she was thinking that she had had enough of date night. She also informed me that it was nice to get out just the two of us for a little bit, and that she could definitely see doing this twice a year.
In all seriousness guys, enjoy the time you have with your wife after you are blessed with the arrival of your little one. She will probably want to spend every moment she can with your baby, but having even just a little bit of time together as a couple is important. And since those times won’t occur as easily, or as often as they once did, enjoy them when you get them.
Check out these books which talk about rekindling the romance in your marriage after the baby arrives:
Do I Look Like a Daddy To You? by Quinton Skinner – This books covers a lot of aspects of being a new Dad, but Chapter 7 talks specifically about finding romance after parenthood.
Love In the Time of Colic: The New Parents’ Guide to Getting It On Again by Ian Kerner & Heidi Raykeil
Nate Hohl
I'm the Red Carpet Librarian and work to bring lifelong support services to the Topeka and Shawnee County area through outreach and programming. I also am a sports enthusiast, work closely with the library's sports collection, and provide programming to engage the community's sports fans.
Nate – From a new mom’s perspective, you captured this perfectly. The first “date night” that I tried to have after my first baby was born was to go to the movie “Slumdog Millionaire” which I didn’t know much about in advance. As the violent and sad scenes about children multiplied, I ended up having to leave the movie in tears and my very kind spouse let me go pick up the baby early from the sitter and just snuggle her until I felt better. People aren’t overstating it when they joke that “Having a baby changes everything!” We have found that hanging out together (okay, doing household chores and talking) while the kids are sleeping is more relaxing for me than getting a sitter, because I know the kids are “okay”. Thanks for sharing!
Great story, Nate. I remember the first time Ben’s dad and I went out after Ben was born. We left him with my parents and went out to a nice dinner. As we pulled up into the driveway afterward, I could hear Ben screaming from the front porch. My mother greeted me with Ben held out in her arms with, “Here. All he wants is you. Even your Dad couldn’t get him to stop.” Some things never change. 😉
Thanks for sharing your stories, Lissa and Terry! Terry – my wife and I have yet to go out now that our daughter is experiencing separation anxiety. So that will be the next big hurdle! Lissa – my wife is definitely in the same boat as you in terms of preferring to stay at home. A large part of that is she only feels comfortable having certain people watch our daughter, and since we don’t have much family here in Topeka, that limits the opportunities. Plus, like you said, it’s usually just nice to be at home with the baby!