Creepy Campy Cinema: A little light horror

I’ve always loved B horror movies. This is a special genre containing SyFy originals, Ed Wood, and black and white monsters made from things found around the house. They have a sense of humor and they don’t take themselves too seriously. These movies also answer burning questions. What happens when you read from the evil book, or the animatronics come to life, or the pastor turns into a dinosaur? Here are a few gems I recommend to keep your fright light.

Velocipastor: A Man of the Claw (2018)

Velocipastor is the story of young pastor Doug. In the wake of his parents’ deaths, he drives to China from America (yes, somehow he drives) to find himself. In China someone gives him a claw that imbues him with the power to transform into a velociraptor.

On his return to work, his fellow pastor and mentor Father Stewart welcomes him with what is probably the most awkward hug in cinematic history. It's more awkward than Voldemort welcoming Malfoy in the last Harry Potter movie.

One night Doug stumbles across a mugging in the park which causes him to transform into a dinosaur. After dismembering and eating the bad guy, he wakes in Carol's room. She is the premed-law student/sex worker he saved the night before. They decide she will help him use his power to only kill bad guys. They inevitably grow closer fighting evil doers and we are treated to a seizure inducing flashback sex scene with a weird soundtrack. You know, like how love works.

The movie culminates in a showdown between our intrepid heroes and a faith-based ninja drug ring (yes, I'm totally serious). Turns out Doug's long-lost brother is a henchman for this drug ring. While the movie has no big surprises, there are some hilarious moments that make this worth watching. Two of my favorites are when the ninjas are tiredly practicing their low kicks, and when Carol takes off her heels and beats up the ninjas with them.

Willy’s Wonderland (2021)

Willy’s Wonderland is a 2021 Nick Cage movie. This will seem very familiar to those who have heard of Five Nights at Freddy’s. This movie is not for the faint of heart or weak of stomach.

One afternoon, while cruising along our hero’s car is suspiciously rendered undrivable. Since the local mechanic only accepts cash, he is offered a trade by the owner of  Willy's Wonderland, a nearby defunct fun center. If "the Janitor" (Nick Cage) stays the night and cleans the place up, the owner will cover the cost of his car repairs.

The Janitor gamely sets about cleaning the place up. We aren’t completely surprised when the evil looking animatronic stage show characters start to attack him. Strangely, he doesn’t seem all that surprised either. Throughout the night he battles the possessed robots with as much diligence and style as he applies to cleaning the bathroom.

At regular intervals his watch beeps, he drops everything, downs an energy drink, plays some pinball, and is ready to get back to work. One by one the animatronics are defeated until some possibly well-meaning teens show up, intent on burning down the fun center. They decide they want to get the Janitor out first and inadvertently end up joining the fray. Spoiler alert – don’t get too attached.

Interspersed with the carnage, we get Willy’s quite interesting backstory, which reveals the townsfolk are helping perpetuate this horror. All of this happens without our hero EVER SAYING A WORD. Nick Cage: the ultimate cool guy.

The Evil Dead (1983)

By far the scariest and goriest on my list is The Evil Dead, an '80s era low budget horror gem and one of my all-time favorite movies. It spawned two sequels Evil Dead 2 and Army of Darkness, a series Ash vs. the Evil Dead, and a 2013 remake. It is scary, campy and takes itself just seriously enough to be really frightening and weirdly ridiculous. Everything works here, from the awful dialogue, wooden acting, the whoops shots, right down to the great sound effects and terrifying camera work.

Here a group of 20 somethings take a long weekend at a remote cabin in the woods. What could go wrong? They arrive after their sketchy car trip to several creepy cabin red flags:

• no road,
• a broken down bridge,
• a banging porch swing,
• sheds and cellars full of bones, chains, saws and axes
• AND demon voices whispering, “join us.”

But hey, the cabin has working electricity! So they stay. Later when the cellar door bangs open all on its own during dinner, they discover a tape that tells of a book filled with incantations to raise the dead. So of course the person on the tape recites the incantations for everyone to hear and the demons come out to play. One by one the group are all harassed, taunted and possessed in goofy-creepy ways. Only our main character and hero Ash is left to defeat his former friends and stop the Evil Dead once and for all! (Until the many sequels of course.)

What are your favorite B movies?

Take a look at these and some other fun scary picks below, and don’t forget to check Hoopla, where streaming titles are always available free with your library card!

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