What Not to Read: Charlie Joe Jackson’s Guide to Not Reading

Do you hate reading? Yeah, we know you do. So as a public service to you and the gazillions of reading-hating kids out there, we give you What Not to Read. You’re welcome.

You’re probably thinking, “What will What Not to Read give me?” Here’s an answer that won’t take long to read: Every What Not to Read blog post is packed with vital information about the book in question, along with why you won’t want to read it.

“Why do I need What Not to Read,” you ask? Because you need to know exactly which books to avoid and why. Not reading is serious business, and knowledge is power, so be prepared!

Trust us, after reading What Not to Read, you’ll be ready for any attack from a big heavy book about feelings and knitting and politics. And you’ll know what to do with one of those pesky readers who are always pushing you to read big heavy books about feelings and knitting and politics. Go forth, nonreaders, and avoid reading!

Here’s the first book to avoid:cjjgtnr

Charlie Joe Jackson’s Guide to Not Reading by Tom Greenwald

The title seems perfect for a What Not to Read reader, right?

Wrong.

Mr. Greenwald obviously knows nothing about hooking kids to read his stuff. He packs this terrible tome full of hilarious humor, quick-paced action and snappy dialogue. Yuck. The chapters are short and there are easy-to-not-read checklists for your inconvenience. Blah.

What’s worse is this book’s got tons of pictures throughout. Not quite as many as Diary of a Wimpy Kid (a real stinker!) but close. As if that’s supposed to draw you in!

In conclusion (if you’ve read this far, which I hope you haven’t), avoid this pile of poo. We give it an 8.5 on the stinkometer.*

*The stinkometer measures the stink coming from a book. One is hardly any stink but should be avoided. Ten means it stinks big time, and a nonreader should avoid it at all costs.