Summer Movies

This year’s Summer Movie Season unofficially began with The Avengers, which came out May 5th. Here’s a sample of the rest of what movie theaters will offer this spring and summer. Some have not yet been rated by the MPAA.
 

May 11: Dark Shadows Rated  PG-13

Johnny Depp as the vampire, Barnabus Collins

 

It’s based on a old daytime soap opera, but with Johnny Depp playing the lead and Tim Burton directing, Dark Shadows shouldn’t feel melodramatic.

 
 
 
 
May 18: Battleship Rated  PG-13

Don't sink my domestic box office revenue!

 
Can a Hasbro board game translate into a sci-fi action flick? Heck if I know. I’m guessing “maybe.” I don’t remember any aliens in the board game, though.
 
 
 
 
 
May 25: Men in Black 3  Rated PG-13

Cool. One more time?

 
Will Smith gives one last (okay, maybe last) performance as Jay the Earth-protecting alien hunter in Men in Black 3. The first one was very good. The second, not quite as good. However, Danny Elfman is back to write the music score and that should help. Although, according to imdb.com, Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga make appearances in the film. Hmmm.
 
  
 
June 1: Snow White and the Huntsman Rated PG-13

Snow White or Eowyn?

 
The movie’s title says “Snow White,” but Kristen Stewart looks more like she’s ready to hunt orcs in Middle-Earth than hiding out with dwarfs in the woods. I’m guessing this warrior princess won’t be making an gooseberry pies.
 
 
 
 
June 8: Prometheus Not yet rated.

An "Alien" prequel?

 
Rumors hinted that Prometheus would be a prequel to Ridley Scott’s 1979 hit Alien. But recent buzz indicates that while Prometheus will be tied to Alien and Aliens, it will not be a prequel. So no aliens with acid for blood then?
 
 
 
 
June 22: Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter Not yet rated

America's first Republican president.

 
Political campaigns are fraught with outlandish promises, but Obama and Romney need not vow to rid our nation of vampires because Lincoln already took care of them. Oh well, there’s always the Zombie War to look forward to. And speaking of zombies and broken promises, where’s that Pride and Prejudice and Zombies movie?
 
 
 
June 29: G.I. Joe: Retaliation Not yet rated

A true summer movie

 
Weapons, explosions and predictably witty one-liners. Cheer for the good guys! They’ll be the ones who are impervious to bullets.
 
 
 
 
 
July 3: The Amazing Spider-Man Not yet rated

Excuse me. Where are your books about lizards?

 
This Tobey-less Spider-Man stars Emma Stone, Andrew Garfield, Rhys Ifans as The Lizard, and Stan Lee as Stan the Librarian. Why would Spider-Man need a librarian? The sequel is already scheduled for 2014.
 
 
 
 
July 20: The Dark Knight Rises Rated PG-13, somehow

The Bat's last stand?

 
This latest Batman film is set several years after The Dark Knight. Gotham is peaceful and Batman has been in hiding, but he’s out of shape and not ready to face Bane, Gotham’s new threat. Some speculate that the caped crusader may even die in this one. If Batman does die, you may go through these stages after seeing the movie:
 
1. No way! Batman didn’t die- he’s Batman!
2. They killied Batman? Those jerks! How dare they?
3. Okay. I promise to buy the Ultra-Platinium-Super-Duper-7-Disc-Collector’s-Edition-Blu-Ray-Pack if you bring Batman back to life!
4.(Sniff) I can’t believe he died. I’ll never watch another movie!
5. Oh well. They’ll reboot the franchise again in few years, anyway.
 
August 8: Total Recall not yet rated

Back to Mars, again

One of several sucessful films based on the writings of Philip K. Dick like The Minority Report, The Adjustment Bureau and Blade Runner, this remake of its 1990 predecessor promises action and strong sci-fi elements. Colin Farrell replaces Arnold Shwarzenegger as a factory worker who thinks he’s a spy. Don’t we all?
 
 
Sources: imdb.com and Entertainment Weekly, issue #1203/1204, April 20/27 2012.
  • Brian Herder

    I’ve been very impressed with the expansion of the “space invaders” movie genre lately. Last year we had “Cowboys vs. Aliens”; this year we have “Naval Task Force vs. Aliens”. I’m guessing a battleship’s broadside is generally a more effective tool for bringing down alien deflector shields than a six-shooter, but having not yet seen the movie, it’s possible these aliens are simply sturdier to begin with, thereby canceling out a capital ship’s clear advantage in firepower over your average ranch hand’s.

  • Hildy

    Any suggestions for what we should watch while we are waiting for the library to get these DVDs?

  • Jean Marshall

    Good question. Here are a few major films being released this and next month on DVD. “The Hunger Games” DVD date is not scheduled yet, however. Maybe July or August, although November is likely.

    5.29: “Man on a Wire” and “We Need to Talk About Kevin”

    6.5 If you want to help Disney recoup some of its historic losses from this film buy “John Carter” on DVD. Note: I do not own Disney stock.

    Also on 6.5 “Journey 2: The Mysterious Island,” “Safe House” and “Act of Valor”

    6.12 “Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows”

    6.26 “The Artist”

    More will be scheduled and some above dates may be changed. Happy viewing!